Friday, January 27, 2012

It's almost here.....

With each passing hour the pit in my stomach feels like its getting bigger and bigger.  There are no words that can describe what I am going through right now.  I am NOT ready for this surgery, AT ALL.  I can't stop thinking about the moment that I will see myself in the mirror for the first time.  I don't think there is any way that I can prepare myself for that.

I spoke to my dear friend tonight, who had her mastectomy last week.   It meant so much to me that she called to check in on me, and how I am feeling.  The feelings that that come after these surgeries are emotions that I am pretty sure only fellow mastectomy patients can understand.  I feel so blessed to have an inner circle of friends that I can cry to and they KNOW my pain.

I am also blessed with amazing family and friends who have supported me through these last several months.  Where would I be without my "Pink Army"?  I have drawn so much strength and encouragement from the messages, calls, cards, etc that I have received from so many.

In the coming days/weeks/months I will need everyones love and support more than ever.  I know that I will get through it, I have to.  I will continue to remind myself why I started this process in the beginning.  By having the double mastectomy I have decreased my chances of getting breast cancer by approximately 95%.  That's a pretty dang good reason, right?!?!?!

Thank you again, so much, for everything.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

I made another appointment with General surgery today. At this appointment I will set my surgery date and also get a referral to see the plastic surgeon to go over the reconstruction part. I have been blessed to have found a blog that a young lady shares her journey. Reading her story has both scared me and has given me a valuable insight. I will be speaking to the surgeon about whether early May is an option for my surgery date. Josh's schedule will include several times away when the ship comes out of dry dock later this year, and so I need to do it earlier rather than later so that I can have his help.

The initial surgery will be removing all my breast tissue and then they will put tissue expanders in behind my pectoral muscles. I will have to go back in as often as once a week for them to slowly inflate the expanders to stretch my muscle and skin. After they have inflated them to the fullness they need for the implants, I will have to go in for another surgery. Hopefully that will be the only other surgery, but there might be need for additional surgeries for various different reasons.

From what I have read on this ladies blog, the recovery process is painful and slow. She said for 6-8 weeks she couldn't lift more than 5 lbs, she couldn't push or pull herself, she coulnd't raise her hands over her head. Even little things like pulling the door to the fridge was too much, because the suction was so tight. So, yeah, its going to be a long road.

Please continue to pray for me as I start this journey.